I can tuck mytits in my pants
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
