counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
