This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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