Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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