I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
