So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
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