Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
