Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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