On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
