i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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