my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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