haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
