It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
