Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
