you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
