Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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