Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I am midnight drunk by noon
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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