Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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