3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
