Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
