i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
