tell your sister to shave her snatch
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
