I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize