i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
