ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
