can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
