Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
