I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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