My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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