he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
