my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
