The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
