All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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