Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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