after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
