dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
