we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
you never un-have a 4some
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
