I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
