i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
