Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
