is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
