Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
there was a trapeze. enough said
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
