Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
