that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
