I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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