don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize