I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
