My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
