Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
