I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We're too hungover to prance.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize