Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
