Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
