there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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