Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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