I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
