A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
