Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
