Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
