So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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