So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
