I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
