I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
