i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
