If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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