Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
