Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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