Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
