Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
