He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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