Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
