You smell like stripper and shame
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
