Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
