She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
