I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
