I'm going to jail i love you
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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