Ambien. No doubt about it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
