Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
