My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
